What is a Lady

WHAT IS A LADY.--A model lady puts her children out to nurse, and tends her lap dog; lies in bed till noon, wears paper-soled shoes, and pinches her waist; gives the piano fits, and forgets to pay her milliner; cuts her poor relations, and goes to church when she has a new bonnet; turns the cold shoulder to her husband, and flirts with his "friends;" never saw a thimble, don't know a darning needle from a crowbar; wonders where puddings grow, eats ham and eggs in private, and dines off a pigeon's leg in pubic; runs mad after a new fashion; doats on Byron; adores every new fool who grins behind a moustache; and when asked the age of her youngest child, replies "don't know, indeed; ask Betty."